Steroids

Been on steroids since 13 September 2009 right up until I came off on 5th October and then went back on Sunday 11 October 2009 and been on them ever since.

Throughout that time (46 days) I haven’t slept a full night. So it’s been draining to say the least.

It feels like now I’m feeling like a cabbage patch doll. My face is so huge it hurts. And I feel because I have to eat; I’m not hungry – it’s almost … I must be sleep deprived but it’s there - a buzz that goes on constantly.

I can’t sleep.

My face is getting bigger and redder but there’s a need to keep doing it because each day there’s less swelling and hopefully by Tuesday - which is the end - but it’s an excruciating experience to go through.

Visually it’s awful but the emotional and physical experience of it is just as emotional.

Initially - the first 3 weeks - I had a “roid” experience where you go from calm to want to murder someone; it’s that bad. I had many of those. You want to really… (Donna exhales)… then feel really guilty because you’ve been such a bitch. And you know they know; Jules knows that it’s not my fault but he is sensitive; you want to be less but it’s still there. I’d understand how anyone would not want to take steroids because there is nothing pleasant about it.

I wanted to capture the steroids feeling. It’s the anger – I’m sure it’s more than steroids underneath. It’s the anger; the tumour is the same – it’s underneath. It’s the anger.